My wonderful, caring, smart, funny, handsome and loving Husband and I have been married for a total of 4 months and already, the boats been rocking a little bit.
I am normally a very sweet-tempered and kind person. Generally, I think of others before myself. I'm thoughtful, compassionate and almost always put my needs last....lately however (and by lately I mean for the past 6 or 7 months), I have been the most irritable, short-tempered, nasty human being alive and for the life of me, I could not understand why. I've been confused about it and I have felt like a slave to my ever-changing emotions. Lost would be a more accurate word :(.....
It's been rough. The anger comes in waves. I can barely even see when it happens. My chest gets tight. It feels like my scalp is ready to catch fire. My breathing irradicates. And basically, I just want to hurt someone. It's hard to believe that my emotional well-being would come to this.
Our relationship (my husband and I) is suffering for it.
Just this past weekend though, my hubby and I came to a conclusion and frightening one to say the least.....When We started dating 2 years ago.....I was how I used to be, which is why (I would assume) my husband fell in love with me to begin with. Shortly after that....I went on the pill.
*insert sinister chamber music here*
A couple of months after starting the pill (Marvelon 28) to be exact, I found myself suffering from bouts of crying, depression, general unhappiness, fatigue, lack of concentration and agression.....a month or so before our wedding, I decided to try something else (another pill Linessa 21) thinking that maybe a lower dosage of the estrogen and proestrogen would help. The decline in both my mental state and emotional state was so rapid and so fast that it hit like a time bomb and ......well.....the rest is history.
I always thought the extra hormones from the birth control might have had something to do with my erratic behavoir but this weekend, I KNOW it now for a fact. After my period, I took my pill to start my new pack and well....lets just say World War III started over the most minute and ridiculous thing and that was that.
My husband has been wonderful and really understanding for someone who must have been as confused as I was over my behavior. He and I came to the conclusion that I would go off the pill and see how it works out.
Now, I know that it is probably too soon to tell (after all it's only been a day), but I slept better than I've ever slept last night after the longest time. I woke up in a great mood. I was clear-headed and optimistic (which is something I haven't felt for, oh, I don't know how long). My body feels better. I'm not yawning as much and my concentration is at an all-time high.
Convinced. That is what I am.
I just hope I haven't hurt my marriage to the point that I can't make things right again.